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Three dogs walk into a bar . . .


H/T to D. Bachert

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Wrong Diner.


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Rape just ain’t what it used to be.

According to the New York Daily News:

The FBI’s definition of “rape” is about to get a long-awaited update, for the first time since 1929.  The revamped description will be broader, pleasing activists who say the current definition leads to the low-balling of sexual assault cases, and also discourages victims to come forward.  An agency panel voted on Tuesday to change the narrow definition that’s currently in use.

While this change is all fine and good (I think), it is interesting that some federal agency panel votes and what was rape yesterday isn’t rape today and vice versa.  I didn’t know you could do that!

But I do have a suggestion for the panel:  why not create safe, clean places where rapes can take place instead of those nasty back alleys.  After all, regardless of the definition, rapes are going to occur.  And rapes are a difficult decision for a rapist to make.  Branding someone a “rapist” for the rest of his life is not only repressive to his reproductive freedom, it is just not very compassionate.

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It is more blessed to give than to receive.

So here’s a “giving” idea for you.

Every year people ask me, “what do you get for that special blogger who seems to have everything?”  It’s a common lament.  Well I’m nothing if not helpful.  Oh, and self-serving too.

So if you’re thinking about how you can show your appreciation for . . . say . . . me, here’s an idea.

Let me know if you need shipping instructions.

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How to handle your IRS audit.

“I simply do not know where the money is.”

I’m sure that the IRS will totally understand.  If they look at you a little funny (you know, funnier than usual) then you simply tell them that your taxes were prepared by a former member of Congress, New Jersey Governor, and head of an international commodity brokerage firm.

I know, I know.  On the face of it, this kind of response seems like it might not be plausible.  But – no kidding – this is exactly what Jon Corzine (who was on a short list to be Obama’s Secretary of Treasury) is doing.   I’m thinkin’ Bernie Madoff wishes he thought of this defense.

If you or I ever have to give an accounting to the IRS, it is likely that it will be for our own money.  Not so with Corzine.  He cannot explain what happened to “many hundreds of millions of dollars” that the firm was holding for customers.

And if the Internal Revenue Service (I can only use that term when I consider how a bull services a cow) wants more credentials than that, remind them that their current boss, Secretary of Treasury Timothy F. Geithner, said that if you didn’t feel like it, you didn’t have to pay.

And here (thanks to Ann Barnhardt) is a preview to Corzine’s congressional testimony:

If none of that works for you, do not – I repeat, do not – tell the IRS about this post.

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What could possibly go wrong?

It went down hill right after he said, “I think I’ve perfected” the mixture.

I laughed.  Is that wrong?

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Newt disgusts . . . even Newt.

At least he and I agree on something.

No doubt in response to the internationally acclaimed and world renowned blogger, Michael Hirsh, GOP presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich reversed field (I know . . . again) and said he would support legislation that defines “personhood as beginning at conception,” a reversal from his comments last week that life begins at “implantation.”

“As I have stated many times throughout the course of my public life, I believe that human life begins at conception,” a statement posted Saturday on Gingrich’s website read in part. “I believe that every unborn life is precious, no matter how conceived.”

Gingrich has been under fire from anti-abortion groups for telling Jake Tapper at ABC News last week that life begins at “implantation.”  You’re welcome!

Even if Newt names me as his Veep, he’s not gonna get my endorsement.  I should say ESPECIALLY if he names me as his Veep!

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I can’t tell who the good guys are anymore.

I give up.  I can’t tell the players – even with a script.

Last week, supposed prolife, Catholic convert Newt Gingrich opined that life begins at implantationImplantation!  Some of my dear readers said that was OK, as long as he maintains opposition to federal funding of experiments on “pre-life” forms.

Also last week, I shared the Obama Administration’s position that the executive branch alone – without any of that pesky interference from the courts – gets to determine who the enemies of the state are.  Once that’s done, it’s the attack of the drones.

For the one’s that don’t merit that level of interest, the Obama regime is now articulating a period of “indefinite preventative detention” of individuals who are thinking bad thoughts.  The real irony here, is that Rachel Maddow (believe me, if I had ever thought I’d say something nice about MSNBC and Maddow in the same sentence, I would have stuck to practicing law) is breaking the story.

I dunno.  Maybe she’s gunning for a Fox girl spot.  Correct me if I’m wrong here, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen.  While Rachel couldn’t totally pull it off – she used the word “poetic” twice in describing Obama’s speech – she certainly seems disappointed that he’s now calling his own administration a “regime.”  Heck, I’ve been saying that for a couple of years.  See for yourself.

I think the only thing that could make this day worse would be if you told me eight Ferrari’s had been in a crash.  Oh wait.  Nevermind.

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Newt, I’m done with you.

Jake Tapper of ABC News interviewed Newt Gingrich on his position on abortion.  Newt’s responses are perfect illustrations of my reluctance to vote for him.

TAPPER: Abortion is a big issue here in Iowa among conservative Republican voters and Rick Santorum has said you are inconsistent. The big argument here is that you have supported in the past embryonic stem cell research and you made a comment about how these fertilized eggs, these embryos are not yet “pre-human” because they have not been implanted. This has upset conservatives in this state who worry you don’t see these fertilized eggs as human life. When do you think human life begins?

GINGRICH: Well, I think the question of being implanted is a very big question. My friends who have ideological positions that sound good don’t then follow through the logic of: ‘So how many additional potential lives are they talking about? What are they going to do as a practical matter to make this real?’

I think that if you take a position when a woman has fertilized egg and that’s been successfully implanted that now you’re dealing with life. because otherwise you’re going to open up an extraordinary range of very difficult questions

TAPPER: So implantation is the moment for you.

GINGRICH: Implantation and successful implantation. In addition I would say that I’ve never been for embryonic stem cell research per se. . . .

Congrats to you, Newt.  You did what your opponents could not.  My reluctance is gone.  Been replaced by downright opposition.  Ain’t no way I’m trading one child killer for another.  I am sick and damn tired of being told I should keep picking the lesser of two evils. In the final analysis, they’re both evil.  I don’t give a rat’s rear end how good your foreign policy is.

As a guy whose been forgiven a ton, I’d extend that to Newt or someone – anyone –  else in a second.  Newt, by your own confession, you have taken a position that is contrary to science, contrary to what it means to be a conservative (let alone a prolife conservative), and in the eternal analysis you are opposing the Church.

So I could keep from blowing my grits when you cozied on the couch with Nancy Pelosi, but when you’ve joined her brand of cafeteria catholicism on issues of life and death, I’m done with you.

Arrivederci, Newt.

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Where Babies Come From.

Who knew?

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