Battle of the Bulges

Miss Maryland is a man;
Miss Alabama is a van.
You might have tab; you might have a slot
You can be a Miss even if you are not.
I’d say she was fat, but that would be rude;
Wait a minute, that other one is a dude.
Judges decide if the better man wins
Or do we give it to the girl with all those chins?
Can’t wait for Miss USA and all it promulges
But I think they should call it the battle of the bulges.