Meanwhile, churches across the country are closed. In part, by government edict; in part because of the complicity of the Princes of the Vichy Church, it appears that the salvation of souls pales in comparison to “coming off the top rope” (pictured).
Perhaps the solution might lie with challenging the local bishop to a cage match right before Mass. The churches can then “legally” be opened.
Plus you get to hit the bishop in the head with a folding chair, so you’ll be good to go when you come to the Eucharist.