I can’t make this stuff up.
The Obesity Action Coalition (OAC) wants to ban the “F-Word” from television. Not that F Word. The FAT F-word. I assume that by extension, that includes El Gordo, blubber butt, and The Spherical One. At least that’s the message coming from the latest OAC Synod recently convened at the Golden Corral.
I don’t know about you, but when I think “obesity”, I think “action.” In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re synonyms.
“You mean I can join the Obesity Action Coalition. Great. On the other hand, I’ll just sit here on the couch and have another jelly doughnut. Would you hand that box to me please? This one is empty.”
But the OAC informs us that treating obesity as a joke is verboten: “This disease is no laughing matter.” Oh. Yes. It. Is. Fat jokes are funny. They fall right after fart jokes on the laugh Richter Scale.
And disease. Really!
“Gee, Doc, how should I treat this disease?”
“Don’t have two hamburgers and call me in the morning.”
I realize our culture is approaching ground zero for complete and total disintegration: we call two dudes abusing each other a “marriage” and the number one national nutritional problem is obesi . . . oh, the heck with euphemisms . . . FAT. Huge, cascading, sweating layers of quivering fat.
Faster than you can say “thirds please” the OAC tells us that obesity has been “linked” (as in sausage links) to a host of serious conditions. Linked? Like cigarettes are “linked” to lung cancer. What I think they’re trying to say is, if you’re carrying around two or three hundred extra pounds, you will probably die from one of a variety of health issues. But relax. Starvation won’t be one of them.
In addition to these medical conditions that are caused by being FAT, obesity “carries the burden [like a large to-go box] of being the last acceptable form of discrimination in today’s society.” So the burden of obesity has its own separate burden?
But there’s more: this discrimination can lead to “unhealthy weight control practices . . . .” I guess they mean only one vat of ice cream. Don’t FAT people already have “unhealthy weight control practices?”
This self-imposed, self-inflicted victim status chafes me faster than a pair of corpulent thighs.
Besides, heterosexuals are REALLY the last acceptable object of discrimination. We’re the only ones left that are expected to control their passions.