CNN Airs Pro-Gun Ad

Heads will roll.  They’ll be empty heads, but heads nonetheless.

Jimmy Kimmel runs for President.

Says he can beat Trump, but only if he changes his name to Genital Herpes.

The Artist formerly known as “Kimmel”

ABC late-night host Jimmy Kimmel claims that “genital herpes” can defeat President Donald Trump in the 2020 election, joking that the sexually transmitted disease has twelve-point lead on the president. “I have some more bad news for the president,” said Jimmy Kimmel his opening monologue. “According to a new Washington Post, ABC News poll, all five of the top Democratic candidates are polling ahead of him.”

The left-wing TV funnyman added that in addition to candidates Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Pete Buttigieg and Kamala Harris, Kimmel allegedly polling ahead of the president, a few other entities also had a chance at winning the 2020 election, including “a tube of warm coleslaw” and “genital herpes.”

Kimmel acknowledged that when polling using his name “Jimmy Kimmel” against President Trump, “I got my scrawny liberal a– handed to me.  So, I’m legally changing my name to ‘Genital Herpes’ so that I stand a chance of beating Trump.”

Members of the artist formerly known and ‘Kimmel’ staff also commented that the name change was also being pursued to comply with Truth-in-advertising regulations.

Looking for a Good Home

This is Lexi.

This is Lexi, she is an 8 week-old German Shepherd.  I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife but it turns out she is allergic to dogs so we are now looking to find her a new home.

She is 60 years old, an attractive and caring woman who drives.  She’s a great cook and also keeps a clean house.

 

 

Adam Schiff named as the new head of ISIS.

President Donald Trump said on Tuesday the U.S. military had killed the person who likely would have succeeded Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi as the leader of Islamic State.

‘Just confirmed that Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s number one replacement has been terminated by American troops,’ Trump said on Twitter. ‘Most likely would have taken the top spot – Now he is also Dead!’

Elijah the Prophet.

Elijah the Prophet

President Trump tells Nancy.

Gotta’ love this guy.

I know a chick who used to be a bartender.

She thinks the “‘impeachment thingee'” is an open and shut case.”

Reporterettes: We want to be treated like any man would be.

Meltdown follows when treated like any man would be.

Taubman: “I sincerely apologize for publicly thanking ‘you know who.'”

The Houston Astros have fired embattled assistant general manager Brandon Taubman after he allegedly gloated to three female reporters about the acquisition of pitcher Roberto Osuna, who was suspended for 75 games for domestic violence.    Osuna was never charged with any crime.

According to Wednesday’s report by Sports Illustrated‘s Stephanie Apstein, Taubman turned to three females after the team clinched the American League pennant on Saturday night and shouted: “Thank God we got Osuna! I’m so f***ing glad we got Osuna!” Taubman later apologized for the comment, uttered in excitement following the Astros clinching a spot in the World Series.

It was not clear if the reporterettes were offended by a) the fact that the Astros paid over $10 million to someone accused of domestic violence; b) that an assistant manager was glad that the Astros hired an accused domestic abuser; c) that the assistant manager dropped an “f-bomb”; or, d) that the assistant manager thanked God that the Astros paid $10 million for an accused domestic abuser.

A spokesman for the Astros said, “Any of those but ‘a)’ would be grounds for Taubman’s dismissal.”

Meanwhile, approximately 50,000 Houston Astros fans who were watching the game when relief pitcher (and accused domestic violence guy) Osuna delivered the Pennant victory were banned for life  when they said, “Thank God we got Osuna! I’m so f***ing glad we got Osuna!

#GoAsstros!

 

Halloween in America.

AOC continues to climb evolutionary ladder.

On second thought, never mind.

Democrat firebrand Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is opening up on the emotional toll of living in the spotlight saying, “sometimes I just want to be a human being.”

Despite the 30-year-old’s training as a bartender, the new Congresswoman was ill prepared when she was flung into the spotlight in June 2018 when she her congressional seat.  She also serves as the Grand Capo for The Squad which exists to make headlines for her  attacks on Donald Trump.

Surprisingly, she’s got a feminine side that is in emotional havoc as she’s now opening about the hardship of dealing with fame.  She calls her life in the public eye “complicated.”

“Sometimes I just want to be a human being. And you don’t get to be a human any more,” AOC told the Huffington Post on Tuesday, adding “so nevermind, I’ll just go back to being Grand Capo.”