Walmart customer puts the “P” in Potatoes.

In what seems to be a rash of potato crimes . . .

A Pennsylvania woman was not to be outdone by her Massachusetts colleague who made of with 50 pounds of spuds.

Grace Brown is accused of urinating on potatoes inside a Pennsylvania Walmart.  She has reportedly turned herself in to authorities Tuesday afternoon, according to a local news outlet.  Apparently Ms. Brown really had to go as the bizarre incident took place late July 24 into early July 25. The West Mifflin Police Department released photos of the woman taken from surveillance video at the store in hopes that someone in the community would identify her.

Upon her arrest, Ms. Brown claimed to be the victim in all this: “Why does Walmart have cameras in the bathroom!”

 

When this Five Guys’ customer says “biggie size it” he’s serious.

THAT’S  TO GO.

A Waltham, Massachusetts man was finishing up his meal.  He apparently, ordered some biggie fries to go.  So on his way out, he grabbed one of the 50 pound bags that the thoughtful management had placed by the door.

Images taken from restaurant’s surveillance footage, and later shared to Facebook by police, show two men ordering food at the counter of the restaurant, and later, one of them grabbing a sack of potatoes to go.

On Tuesday evening, police confirmed the suspect had actually reached out to contact them. The Waltham Police were not immediately available to confirm whether he was charged with any crimes.

In other potato news . . . .

Dude in a dress accesses 80,000 credit cards.

Conclusive proof the he really is a she.

What’s in your wallet?

A Seattle-based transgender former Amazon engineer has been arrested for allegedly hacking Capital One bank’s systems to steal data it was storing on Amazon’s Web Services cloud. Paige Thompson, the ex-Amazon employee and erstwhile ex-guy, was able to hack into Capital One’s computers and purloined  80,000 credit cards, over 100 million names, and 140,000 social security numbers.  The info belonged to CapOne but was stored on Amazon’s Cloud.

Paige Thompson, 33, was arrested for breaking into the bank’s systems to steal the addresses, phone numbers and names of 100 million people in the United States. Thompson allegedly pulled it off, as they say in the tranny universe, between March and July of this year by breaking into the bank’s servers through a misconfiguration in its firewall.

Paige’s obvious difficulty correctly identifying plumbing and his current legal woes, has led him to make social media posts about being suicidal and has also stated his desire to be deported.  He got busted by bragging about the feat online.  He apparently gave up the goods when police asked, “What’s in your wallet?”

Said Paige: “It all started after the surgery.  I just love to shop.  And Amazon has such amazing deals.”

Philippine President Duterte: “I am Pharaoh!”

Two plagues down.  Eight to go.  Stay tuned.

God’s Chief Advisor

Philippine President Rodrigo “Pharaoh” Duterte threw another punch in his perennial fight with the Catholic Church.  Notwithstanding the fact that 80% of the 100 million residents of the fiefdom are Roman Catholic, Duterte asserted today that “the Catholic Church’s dogma was simply not acceptable to my God-given common sense.”  When pressed for some evidence for this claimed common sense, Duterte responded with an out-stretched middle finger.  The Philippine strongman then  ordered: “More bricks, less straw.”

This many flies can’t be wrong.

Upon this edict Duterte was set upon by flies.  The flies are Scathophaga stercoraria, more commonly known as the yellow dung fly, known particularly for their excrement locating prowess.  “I’ve had fights with priests for a long time.  These flies are taking orders from them.  They’ve been following me all week. ”  Duterte latter cursed the flies and made a failed attempt to swat one that landed on his nose.

Today’s incident was not the first time Duterte had a public appearance ruined by insects.  In May of this year, cockroaches crawled up his shoulder and down the front of his shirt as he spoke at a campaign rally.

A local priest was asked if he had anything to do with either plague.  Speaking on the condition of anonymity for fear of reprisals – from the Vatican – the priest admitted that the bugs were in fact doing his bidding: “Yes, I sent them.  But it’s not really a miracle.  It’s just what they do.  The next eight plagues . . . well those are going to be something.”

 

White Privileged MAGA hat lover, deports a Mexican.

Racist Gull tells Mexican to “Go back where you came from.  In fact, I’ll take you there myself.”

Possible retaliation for chewing up a MAGA hat.

Reports are coming out of England that mobs of mostly-white seagulls are searching for less-privileged birds and mammals in a globally-warmed environment  that is leading to a scarcity of food.  Some of the more ravenous gulls are even resorting to cannibalizing more junior members of the group.

Rebecca Hill is desperate to get her beloved chihuahua Gizmo back.  Her beloved pooch was napped in broad daylight.  She said the bird swooped and carried off the pooch as partner Ashley Rawlings looked on horrified.

The usual suspects.

Pictures have emerged of a fierce-looking seagull close to the home as a search for the beloved dog continues.  One neighbor said: “It is impossible to know if this particular gull was responsible but the way he was lurking must surely make him the prime suspect.”

Speaking to a British tabloid yesterday, pregnant Becca, 24, urged neighbors to keep an eye out for her loveable pet in the desperate hope he is still be alive.  She sobbed: “I’m just hoping he’s been dropped somewhere and can’t get out or he’s on a roof and can’t get down.”

Ms. Hill continued, “If these animals want to feed on themselves, that’s on them, but to pick on my Mexican Chihuahua, who was here legally, is sub-human.  As long as US President Trump continues a blind eye toward climate change, this is only going to get worse!” She observed.  “All this started when sweet Gizmo was caught chewing on a MAGA hat” Ms. Hill lamented.

When asked how the US Prez was responsible for climate change in Great Britain, Ms. Hill simply repeated, “Gizmo, Gizmo.”  When a reporter observed that seagulls actually are sub-human, Ms. Hill shot back “Species Snob!”

Becca initially posted an appeal on Facebook for help in finding Gizmo but had to then take it down after she was targeted by sick trolls making fun of her plight.

The Lucky Rabbit’s Foot

On Friday, a gruesome rabbit leg – initially feared to belong to missing Gizmo – was discovered by walker Natalie Williams on a roof colonized by seagulls that is littered with animal debris.  A chicken’s head and a dead gull – cannibalized by other gulls – have also been found at the site.

Experts believe gulls are becoming increasingly cannibalistic – as well as developing a taste for other birds and mammals – as the UK’s seawater temperatures soar due to climate change.

Behold! The Compassion of the Wicked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These figures are from an official copy of the Bill, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton Foundation for the tax year 2014.  The copy of the tax return is from the National Center for Charitable Statistics website!  You can get the latest tax return on any charitable organization!

 Total revenue (line 12) $177,804,612.00
(177.8 MILLION DOLLARS)

Total grants to charity (line 13) $5,160,385.00 (that’s less than 3%)

Total expenses of $91,281,145.00 Expenses include:

Salaries (line 15) $34,838,106.00

Fund raising fees (line 16a) $850,803.00

Other expenses (line 17) $50,431,851.00

Travel $8,000,000.00

Meetings $12,000,000.00

They list 486 employees (line 5)!  It took 486 people who are paid $34.8 million and $91.3 million in fees and expenses to give away $5.1 MILLION.

Line 22 shows ending year net assets/fund balances of $332,471,349.00 which is up $85,171,891 from last year’s tax return!  And they call this a CHARITY?

The full tax return is at:

http://990finder.foundationcen ter.org/990results.aspx?990_ type=&fn=clinton+foundation

White like me.

That moment of disappointment when you find out you’re not the victim you always thought you were.

 

Just another beneficiary of #WhitePrivilege.

 

H/T to J. Hirsh

#AOC, Hollywood Star

I think I’ll be sticking with Toxic Masculinity.

Make. It. Stop.

It’s like we have to keep looking for ways to make ourselves throw up in our mouths.  I think it started with the Kardashians and then Joy Behar.  Or was it the other way around?

Now this!  The Philadelphia Inquirer tells us a “Men’s cuddling group aims to redefine masculinity and heal trauma.”  You know, when victimhood becomes the top rung on the social ladder, nobody wants to get over anything.

The group’s slogan is “Trauma rhymes with drama.”  Or something like that.

And just so you can spend the rest of your day trying to un-see something, here are the poster children:

Men’s cuddling group aims to redefine masculinity and heal trauma

The group was started by Scott (real name Todd?) Turner a couple of years ago.  Turner is a 46 year old interior designer (hey, but who’s profiling) who opines that “If you show any emotional weakness or vulnerability, that’s a failure to your title of a man.”  (That’s not true, Scotty, but your man card is officially revoked anyway.)

He went on to say, “if we expect men to be emotionally sensitive to the needs of others, they first need to be able to build an emotional vocabulary.”   (I’ve got some vocabulary for you Todd or Scott or whatever your dancing name is, but for the sake of keeping this PG, who about ‘Get over it!’)

Finally, Turner points out that “physical touch extends beyond aggression or sex. Platonic affection can be a doorway to emotional closeness. It’s not the ends of what we’re doing,” Turner said. “It’s part of a larger toolbox of healing.”  (Did he just use “doorway”, “ends”, and “toolbox” in the same sentence?)

Since we’re all being all accepting and enlightened and all, can I break out of other people’s pre-conceived notions of my gender stereotype . . . and join the women’s cuddle group?

 

H/T to M. Janocik

Collusion Explained.